that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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