the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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