Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
