Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
