i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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