apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
