:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
why do cheetos always look like penises
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
