My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize