Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
