PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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