haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
