capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
