there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
