bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
