I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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