I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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