I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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