True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
