hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
you guys were way drunker than both of me
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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