A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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