you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize