Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
