i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
