go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
