I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Acid is not a monday night drug
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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