How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I need to wash the frat house off of me
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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