what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
