we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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