Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
