I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Randomize
