I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
