I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize