I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
