Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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