Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
