I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
