I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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