Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize