This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
