Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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