You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
