We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
