I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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