Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
