Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
