she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
