rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
