i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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