She is in my trunk
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
