it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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