The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize