O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
