It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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