do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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