do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
