dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
