I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
