he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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