I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Randomize
