she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
