Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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