I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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