I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
