u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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