I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize