Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
