but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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