Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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