If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
