I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
