Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
