does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
