I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
