just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
