And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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