Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
