You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
