I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You dont lie about slip and slides
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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