Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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