Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
