Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
