I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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