i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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