Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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