pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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