he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
