I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
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