I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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