i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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