9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
