just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
There r osticjed everywhere
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
