Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
