I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
