he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
