guys are only as good as the porn they watch
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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