Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize