question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize