He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
