This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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