I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
