i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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