Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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