Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
