Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
