i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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