Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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