I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
cat food counts as protein by the way
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
