just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It's shark week go big or go home
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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